The importance of being kinder with ourselves. Often, those of us who overthink tend to experience what's known as the 'winner's syndrome' – every time we achieve something, we immediately set our sights on the next goal, forgetting to savor our accomplishments with our whole being. This constant pursuit of achievements can become addictive, leading to the opposite of what we want when we fail to meet these self-imposed standards. We realize that when we're not constantly striving for something new, life can feel dull and monotonous, as if we've lost our sense of purpose. That's when we need a powerful tool: a process of contemplation.
Through contemplation, we can find genuine inspiration, an internal or external motivator. This tool helps us understand what we have control over, such as our intention, effort, and ability to inspire ourselves.
In the creative process, whether conscious or unconscious, we're constantly seeking inspiration. To achieve this, we almost need to force ourselves to try new things. Novelty stimulates our neurons, allowing us to expand the complex network of connections, ideas, neurons, worries, chemical fluctuations, joys, tasks, and human relationships that we call our mind. This network is truly a remarkable and intricate work of art, but it's also as fragile as wet clay before it's fired in a kiln.
With this constantly changing network of circuits and stimuli, often sensitive from the moment we wake up - how do we maintain a source of inspiration? A motivation? A purpose? A worthy cause? How can we practice contemplation in such a strange and often noisy world? I certainly don't have all the answers, but I can share what has worked for me. It requires being present in the moment, slowing down: eating, breathing, walking, responding, reacting, and acting. Taking a step back from life, perhaps even stepping out of the world for a while to save your own.
Contemplation also means savoring small victories, as well as courageously facing our weaknesses; not running from them, but confronting and embracing them - for they are also a part of us and without them, we cannot grow. That's what self-compassion is all about: acknowledging and accepting our mistakes, picking up the pieces, and humbly realizing that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes, as long as we're trying.
Being kind to ourselves also means honestly assessing what is working in our lives, contributing to our overall growth and personal expansion as human beings. The universe is constantly expanding, so as its children, wouldn't it be easier to try to imitate it?
Thinking about this power to make decisions about our hearts, minds, thoughts, actions, habits, and being, I made a list of the things we do have control over. After a challenging exercise with pen and paper, I circled three in particular: our attitude, our effort, and our intention."
As James Clear points out in his excellent book 'Atomic Habits,' our attitude is the engine that drives our habits. It influences our perception of things, and consequently, our intention and effort. Furthermore, attitude is contagious and shapes the people around us and how they affect our lives. But where does this attitude come from? It requires a greater force to set it in motion – inspiration. A source of energy close to us that we can contemplate, appreciate, and draw from. This inspiration is open to interpretation; everyone finds it in their own time and way; what matters is the search. It's about deciding to start something and taking that first step.
As the Law of Conservation of Energy states, we are in a constant flow of energy where nothing is created or destroyed, only transformed. Energy flows continuously throughout the universe, transforming from one form to another. We need to slow down from time to time, yes, but we must also remain conscious that we are pausing to contemplate our next stimulus – the next card life will deal us, and it's up to us whether to play it or not.
Bill Burnett and Dave Evans' book 'Designing Your Life' illustrates how life can be fully enjoyed when it's designed around a plan that authentically answers the questions: Who are you? What do you believe in? And what do you do? The goal is for these three elements to live in constant communion, each leading to the other in a continuous and perfectly chaotic way. By asking ourselves these questions, we realize what inspires us, our values, our identity, our passions, and if we're brave enough, our fears and insecurities. Regarding the latter, it's important to clarify that we can't design our lives if we avoid the mistakes we make time and time again: waking up a little late, reacting with a frown, a small rudeness when burning our morning coffee, arguing with our partner, a subversive HR letter with life-changing news, another plant in the living room that doesn't last more than a few weeks, repeating the same family cycles, a workplace conflict, blunders of all colors and flavors – mistakes we've all made and that have shaped who we are today.
There's no crime in making a mistake, as long as we learn from it and don't repeat it. Once, a mentor I greatly admire told me that the best mistakes are those made by others for us to learn from. Mistakes, if we're humble enough to accept them, can be a great catalyst for growth. If we choose to, trial and error is the most likely path to finding new opportunities in life. The more prototypes of plans we have and the more mistakes we make, the more we can refine and design a functional plan for our lives. Rethinking means making more mistakes, sooner, to go further. It's all about the attitude with which we embrace these missteps.
Returning to inspiration. It's the driving force behind our work, projects, personal goals, visions, communities, homes, and careers. That spark ignited in our brains as we act, depends on consistent contemplation. Contemplating life as it unfolds: constantly, nonlinearly, one day at a time. Only through this contemplation and awareness of our surroundings can we step forward towards our next goal.
Now, I ask you:
What does contemplation mean to you? How do you use your senses to appreciate life? What emotions are you feeling right now? What are you grateful for in this moment? Who brightens your day? What embrace recharges you? What song moves you regardless of your mood? What food feels like home? How hard have you worked to reach this point? What's the weather like as you read this? What does work mean to you? Does money influence your perspective? What values guide you now? What are you feeling right now? What are you doing? Who are you? If answers elude you, silence can also be profound.
One of my favorite passages is Ecclesiastes 3, which states that everything has its time. It's essential to understand that every life stage has its purpose: birth and death, planting and harvesting, laughter and tears, love and hate, war and peace. Let's fully embrace each moment, without judgment. Let's observe, feel, and allow these experiences to inspire us.
Ultimately, no one provides a life manual. Yet here we are, exploring and learning continually. As we cherish the present, let's experience it fully. Remember, you're doing your best. The answers reside within you: start where you are, explore your surroundings, accept your limitations, and savor the moment. Breathe deeply and feel life's pulse. Reflect on your journey and remember: you're growing and evolving.
After reading this, disconnect for a moment, breathe deeply, feel the present, contemplate your life, and remember: you're doing exceptionally well, perhaps better than you realize. It's okay to not take everything so seriously every now and then – don't beat yourself up.
Written by Emilio J. Arellano
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